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The Importance Of Listening And Communication
Communication and the importance Of listening is enormous. Most people focus on their oral communication and are utterly convinced that good speaking equals effective communication. The ability to speak well is a necessary part of successful communication. The ability to listen is equally as important.
The importance of listening in communication is often easy to see when we look at our listening skills with those closest to us. In particular I am referring to our spouse, partner, children or friends. Pay attention to the everyday discussions we share with those close to us with whom we think we are communicating well.
How often do you find yourself mindlessly saying “yes”when one of these people is trying to tell you something only to have say just after pardon me, I missed that sorry I was miles away. Have you been talking to one of these people and you are not really listening completely to what they have to say because you are already preparing your reply?
This is more common than you think and yet we think we are great communicators. In order to interact effectively we have to be able to listen to and understand what the other person is saying. Not just hear because the acoustics are good or because the other person is speaking in a loud enough tone. It is important that we hear what the person is saying because we have taken the time to actively listen.
Listening takes effort and when it comes to getting better communication skills there is no getting around that. When we are listening to music or television our attention is often not focused. If we want our communication skills to get stronger it is important that we not day dream in a conversation and instead concentrate fully on what is being said .
No doubt this can be difficult. Not every conversation we are in is fascinating for us. If however, we want to improve these skills focus is crucial especially when dealing with younger children and teenagers.
By giving the other person time to completely finish what they are saying before you begin to create your answer is also important to good listening. To do this even better wait a few seconds before you begin to reply. This gives the other person a chance to add anything else they may have thought of. By waiting an additional moment before you reply you also let the other person know they have been heard completely. If you practice this for a time people will relax when talking to you because they will know that they don’t have to rush to get their two cents in. They will appreciate the fact that they can communicate with you and be heard.
When having those important conversations with the people closest to you, try taking it one step further and reflectively listen by feeding back what they said.
For example By doing this you give who you are talking with the chance to correct any misconceptions that may have occurred or to clarify any points they were trying to make. This heightens the level of communication you are striving for . And the person you are communicating with will certainly feel more relaxed and willing to share with you given the care you are taking with the conversation.
The strategy of repeating back for clarity had been extremely useful when I have had conversations with my teenagers. It also comes in handy when speaking with a spouse or partner. Often times in those situations we begin to assume we know what the other person means. By giving them a chance to finish what they are saying it allows for greater intimacy, something we often want in our relationships but wonder why we are not getting .
The importance of listening in communication is definitely underestimated. Good listeners are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find out what is important to other people. If you understand what is important to people then you understand how to reach them.
The techniques I just described are equally powerful in the workplace especially in customer care If you are really listening to what your clients needs are it will be that much easier to fulfill those needs. The customer will be impressed that you listened to what they were communicating instead of just going into sales mode. I have personally found in sales that the more I listened and the less I talked the better my sales ratio was and the more satisfied my clients were. That is a win-win situation for all involved.
Technorati Tags: effective communication skills, importance of communication, improve communication skills, interpersonal communication skills, relationship communication
Whether you’re having problems in your marriage or just want to have better mariage communication, marriage counseling can be one way to do this. A counselor can provide an objective ear and advice for couples who are struggling in their relationship and even for those who are doing fine, but want to ensure they don’t encounter any deep-seated problems in the future.
There are a number of reasons to get marriage communication skills; in this article we’ll look at five of the top reasons you may want to improve your marriage communication skills, or at least consider couples counseling.
One, marriage counseling can not only acts as a form of healing for troubled marriages; it can also act as a preventative measure for many large problems that may loom in a couple’s future. Whether or not you feel you need it, marriage counseling is worth looking into if you’re having problems in your marriage, or even if you’re a couple simply looking to cement your relationship more before you marry.
Two, marriage counseling can help couples find a number of workable solutions that may help their marriage. From infidelity to simple communication problems, a good therapist can help you figure out how to beat the odds and begin to heal your relationship.
Three, it is always helpful to have the ear of someone objective and distanced from your problems. Friends and family members may make good comforters and sounding boards, but they are necessarily biased. An objective therapist sees both sides and attempts to work with you to reconcile them.
Four, you married the person you’re with because you loved them; no matter what they’ve done, it’s worth trying at least once to save. To this affect, a therapist can help you determine how much your vested, and indeed, whether you truly want to be with or without them.
Five, if you have children, getting better marriage communication skill offers an alternative option to immediately divorcing or separating. While some marriages simply don’t work and won’t no matter what, an equal number suffer from misunderstandings, lack of trust and numerous other obstacles; if you have children, these problems are compounded. Marriage counseling can be an excellent option for figuring out one, if you can save your marriage, and two, how to handle questions, concerns and problems your children may have.
Marriagemax.com is an alternative marriage advice website created and run by relationship expert Mort Fertel since 2004. It covers a broad range of marriage topics and offers advice and ideas for helping out your marriage.
Kausik Dutta
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/top-five-reasons-to-get-marriage-counseling-109237.html
Technorati Tags: communication in relationships, couples communication, marriage communication, relationship communication
There are 12 barriers to relationship communication that will strain the relationship to breaking point.Thomas Gordon came up with these 12 roadblocks if you want satisfying and fulfilling relationships.
1. Criticizing. Criticism involves judgmental states that usually put down a person. “Don’t do it that way”, “You’re wrong”, “You’re not very good at…”, and “You need to lose weight” are a few simple criticisms. We think criticism changes people, though it only reveals our own problems. Kill this barrier before it kills your relationships.
2. Labeling. Labels are names. An extreme form of labels is name-calling. “You’re a jerk”, “You are silly”, and “I think you’re mean” are some examples of labeling. Labeling is a barrier to communication because it categorizes people. It assumes people to have characteristics and destroys uniqueness that makes an enjoyable relationship.
3. Diagnosing. A diagnosis is one of the more complex barriers to effective communication. It involves reading into a person’s behavior. I call it “playing the amateur psychologist”. Some examples of the diagnosing barrier are: “You’re just jealous about…”, “You need to be happier”, and “Stop trying to antagonize me.”
4. Praising. People are always surprised when they hear praise is a communication barrier. Praise is not always a barrier because it depends on how it is given. Praise is so often poorly given as it makes people – especially children – dependent on receiving verbal rewards. “You’re a good boy”, “I love you for doing what you did”, and “You’re a lovely person because you think about me”. Learn to praise a person’s behavior, and be specific, to avoid evaluative praise and making people dependent on your praise.
5. Ordering. Orders are controlling statements to get people doing something. They are akin to dictatorship. “Go wash the dishes”, “Stop complaining”, and “Stop fighting with…” Orders force people to comply based on authoritative power. The result is resistant change and resentment. It is very common for people to rebel against orders so they regain their freedom. Psychologists call this “psychological reactance”
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6. Threatening. A threat is similar to an order, except it has emphasis on punishment. “Go wash the dishes or I won’t cook for you tomorrow night”, “Stop complaining or you’ll be sent to your room”, “Stop fighting with… or you’ll be grounded”. Just like orders, threats create fear, temporary results, and resentment – while killing a relationship.
7. Questioning. How could questioning be a barrier to effective communication? Like praise, there are types of questioning that make it a roadblock to good relationship communication. Rhetorical questions is one common form of poor questioning. Examples include, “Why do you disobey me?” “Why do you always do wrong?” and “What about my needs? You constantly ignore them.”
These are 7 of 12 barriers to effective communication. When you overcome all 12 barriers to effective communication, you communicate openly, intimately, understand you’re partner – all the while creating change in your relationships.
By Joshua Ubergang
Technorati Tags: communication skills, couples communication, relationship communication
Is technology (phones, tv, internet, machinery) destroying human relationships?
I personally believe it is in little ways.
1.) Advertisements are continually cheapening human interaction. Example: the man who is talking about "finding his queen" and we think he is talking about a woman but no he is talking about a sofa.
2.) Face to face interaction has become less and less important in society. We are all on our phones, watching TV or on our computers sending text messages or on facebook.
3.) Everywhere you look people are not looking at the person they are talking to, they are too busy with gadgets. I mean who here has been annoyed becuase the person they were talking to was texting?
4. We now have more ways than ever to communicate but we are farther apart than we have ever been.
So basically my question is, Do you think technology is good or bad for humans?
It’s certainly not destroying human communication. In fact, in terms of breadth and scope, and in terms of the number of people an average person might communicate in the course of a day, it’s increased human communication hugely. It is, however, causing a raid development in human communication.
You note that we seldom seem to speak face to face anymore. That’s certainly true, and yet how many more people per day do you think our ancestors spoke to face to face than we do today? As a percentage, surely a lot more, but in absolute numbers? I’d suggest about the same. We talk to more people, from much wider areas than our ancestors ever dreamed of.
You note that people that we do talk to often are also using gadgets. I have been annoyed by this trend, but I think of it as a part of that evolution I mentioned before. We tend to multitask now, more than ever. I’m not sure that frenetic pace is a good thing, however.
Finally, your draw a conclusion that we are now farther apart than ever before. I’m not sure I agree, and I don’t see any evidence to support your conclusion directly. I have internet pen pals from all around the world, and in some ways, I think the ease of long range communication has brought us closer together than was ever possible before. I talk to people daily who have completely different takes upon world events, based on their culture and upbringing, and I think that variety of opinion is very enlightening.
At any rate, we are having to evolve. Our modes of behavior, our traditions are changing, and while it styresses those of us who are comfortable with the old, traditional ways of doing things, in just a few short decades, most of us will be gone, and our children will be lamenting the changes they see.
How do you intend to use written/verbal/nonverbal communication in the workplace? What impressions does it give when someone uses poor communication at work?
In order to accomplish any task you wish to delegate to others, you need to be able to explain, what you want done, how to do and the time frame for completion. Whether this is done verbally or in writing. Mastering this skill will assist you not only in the workplace but in many other situations. Think job interview, job evaluation, promotion, owning your own business, even helps in marriage.
I am working on a speech on relationships between husband and wife. I would like to discover the good and bad, also include interpersonal communiction between divorced couples.
Wow. I can’t beat that answer!
The honeymoon is over and you are facing some problems with your marriage. Sound familiar? Chances are you are one of many American couples with minor problems affecting your relationship. If identified and dealt with together, these minor problems can be just a bump in the road, but left unresolved, they can turn into major obstacles. Below are three of the most common issues plaguing marriages today. Read on to find out if these are problems you are facing – and how to deal with them.
Communication
Marriage is held as the most intimate of relationships. When you feel distanced from your spouse because you can’t communicate with them, that relationship starts to break down. Try to identify why you are having a hard time communicating. Do you feel that you don’t have enough time with your spouse to talk? Are you worried that they won’t understand so you don’t bring it up at all? Are you afraid of a potential argument that may come up because of a discussion? Maybe it’s a simple lack of quality time with your spouse that allows you to talk. Whatever the reason, identifying what holds you back from actively and openly communicating is the first step to making progress.
Boredom
The honeymoon has been over for a while now – and your marriage has lost a lot of its excitement. This is a very common and normal problem. As your relationship develops over the years and you settle into a routine you may find that the initial excitement and interest of your relationship has fizzled. A marriage without excitement is in as much jeopardy as one with a lack of communication, even if you rarely argue. You have to remember that just because your marriage doesn’t have any obvious problems (like constant arguing), doesn’t mean that it doesn’t require effort. Keeping your relationship interesting and spontaneous is hard work, something that requires the effort of both people. Take the time to talk about what you would like to bring back into the relationship, and what new things you are both willing to try.
Money
Financial problems are noted to be the main cause of divorce in the United States. This is no big surprise, as money matters are a very delicate issue. If you feel that you don’t have enough say in the financial decisions, ask to be a part of the process. Whether it’s paying the bills or budgeting for the month, you may feel better helping out and your spouse may feel better sharing the burden. Either way, make sure to always discuss financial issues in a calm, mature way. Better yet, set aside time to talk about finances. If you are in a hurry, stressed out, or not prepared to talk about this sensitive issue, chances are you won’t have a productive discussion.
No matter what your marriage problems may be, there are many different programs that can help you solve them if you find that you aren’t successful doing it on your own. Marriage counseling, books, and online resources are just a few options that can get you started on your path to dealing productively with these problems. Either way, keep in mind that it will take partnership and patience to achieve your common goals.
Kausik Dutta
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/common-marriage-problems-are-these-issues-affecting-your-relationship-121052.html
It is possible that at some time or another that any relationship may falter for a variety of different reasons, but using some common sense solutions can easily be found. If you have been in a relationship for many years then it is senseless to throw away everything that you have built up, and the damage can be repaired by facing and evaluating the issues that have arisen. Sometimes situations and problems crop up which are completely unpredictable, and you may think that ending the relationship is the only option. Some calm thought on how to save your relationship and the steps that can be taken to do so, can mean damage control well in time before it is beyond the point of no return.
If you strongly wish to strengthen your relationship there are numerous solutions and methods that can be pursued which can easily be uncovered through a little research. Modern stressful living is doing a lot of damage to relationships. Equality in the workplace means that both partners in a relationship may be career orientated and the damage this can do is evident in millions of failed relationships already. The question as to how I can save my relationship today that anyone may ask, is one that has many different answers. Finding the solutions begins with assessing where the relationship stands right now, and also investigating the facts as to what has gone wrong and in which areas.
Things can be running pretty smoothly in your relationship and everything is all roses. Unforeseen conflicts and disagreements happen at any time and it is right then and there that you should take a look at ways of saving your relationship, and not let these issues become completely unmanageable. Proper effort to find assistance and guidance to solve the crises should be pursued without delay. Firstly try to understand the exact reasons for your problems. Some examples could be a lack of communication, infidelity, excessive fighting over insignificant problems, addictive behavior or jealousy and possessiveness that is unwarranted.
Keeping your relationship alive requires some concerted effort from your part as well as some patience and tolerance as well. If you are determined to rescue your relationship and are wondering how to save my marriage today, then you may begin the process yourself and afterwards discuss these solutions with your partner when you have them. Compromise is one of the key words when it comes to saving relationships and by understanding your needs and those of your partner many issues can be solved through give and take that benefits you both.
Sometimes a lot of damage in a relationship is easily repaired by planning a romantic getaway where you can spend quality time discussing where your relationship is going and what your future plans are. This also gives you time to express your feelings with your partner which is reassuring for them. Saving your relationship today means action and indicates the strong desire of most people who have understood the importance of relationships.
Joan Masterson
http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/tips-for-saving-your-relationship-today-526157.html
Marriages, it is said, are made in heaven, but the truth is that they have to be managed on earth. Just as it is imperative that you have a post-graduate management degree to manage an organisation, it is equally important to have a mature mindset and relationship management skills in order to make marriages last.
PLAYING HOUSE
Eighteen-year-old Debbie fell in love with 22-year-old David. After a whirlwind romance of barely four months, they decided to tie the knot. Not much thought was given to Debbie completing her graduation, as they were both from wealthy families, and David was the heir to the family business. While Debbie focused on having a ‘perfect fairy tale wedding’, David was keen to quickly cross the milestone of marriage, and provide a grandchild for his ageing parents. It never crossed their mind to discuss their values, priorities, lifestyles, relationship needs and their ideas about an ideal relationship with each other.
Once the fairy tale wedding was over, Debbie was at a total loss as nothing else had been thought or planned by her. David, on the other hand, got down to everyday business once the marriage milestone was crossed, and focused on procreation and recreation during the nights. All that was unsaid and unaddressed earlier started coming up as ‘issues’. Not only were their individual expectations from marriage very different, but they also did not have the tools or the skills to negotiate their differences in a win-win way. As expected, the differences escalated into ugly conflicts, with the families commenting that they ‘fight like kids’. Well, they were ‘kids’.
Many a marriage is rife with conflict because the man and woman are actually ‘Mama’s little boys’ and ‘Daddy’s little girls’, who have got together to play ‘house-house’. Soon they realise that they lack the emotional maturity to nurture and’ sustain relationships, with both running to their respective parents boohooing and complaining about how their wife/husband is being ‘mean’ to them. Such ‘biological adults’ but ‘emotional kids’ can be of any age, but more often, those who marry early face this problem.
MARRIAGE AS A GETAWAY
Coming from a dysfunctional family, Sarah had low self-worth. Her parents were in constant conflict. Sarah not only witnessed these but also had to take sides, listen to her mother’s sob stories, and meet her father’s unreasonable expectations. Above all, she was ignored by both her self-obsessed parents, leaving her feeling like an ‘emotional orphan’ in need of love and nurturing. She fell in love with James at the age of 15, and married him when she was 18.
James found her ‘child-woman’ demeanour cute and adorable to begin with. She, of course, was in search of a nurturing home away from her conflicted home. Soon after marriage, she realised that James was neither willing nor able to be an ‘emotional parent’ for the ‘emotionally needy child’ within her. The conflict began, as neither were her expectations of James parenting her satisfied, nor were James expectations of having an emotional adult as his life partner. James soon sought companionship in an ‘adult woman’ and the marriage ended in a divorce.
LOOKING FOR A PARENT SUBSTITUTE
Cheryl was raised in an orthodox and religious household, with innumerable restrictions on her. She saw marriage as her ‘ticket to freedom’, and enthusiastically okayed a proposal from Robert in London when she was only 19. She soon discovered that setting up a home in London was no easy task for her. Her dreams of freedom and life in the fast lane soon became a never-ending nightmare of cooking, cleaning, scrubbing the bathrooms, grocery shopping, and serving her husband late at night. She fought for freedom from the daily drudgery. When a very busy Robert told her that she had to handle the home single-handedly while he worked outside, she had an affair with Steven in the neighbourhood and got addicted to smoking pot. Conflicts began at home, which soon ended in a separation.
The reason for many a broken marriage is that boys and girls often get married at an early age for the wrong reasons. They are not going towards marriage or their partner, but are getting away from their parents. Often they are looking for an indulgent parent in their spouse, and that’s where the trouble begins. Such emotional kids need to grow up and learn to nurture themselves, so that they can establish an adult-adult relationship in marnage.
LIVING IN A MAKE-BELIEVE WORLD
John and Catherine were high school sweethearts and had begun dating when they were both 14. They got married after seven years of being with each other. John confessed during counselling that after being with Catherine for seven years, he married her only because he felt obliged to do so, as he had made a commitment of eternal love at the age of 14. The truth was that there was a huge mismatch of values and dreams for the future, and yet he married her out of a ’sense of duty’.
The marriage began with a ’silent resentment’ in John, which grew with time, and escalated into everyday conflict and emotional distancing. Obviously, when John made the commitment of undying love at the age of 14, he did not have the maturity or clarity to truly know who and what he was committing to. The phenomenon of jumping in head first into marriage, jolts many a brain after marriage, and makes them do all the thinking that they should have done pre-maritally, often leading to a breakdown of the relationship.
MATURITY IS IMPORTANT
The examples mentioned above, though often seen in early marriages, do not hold true for only biologically early marriages. A marriage can be termed an early marriage if you are marrying with a Mills and Boon idea of romance in marriage, and if you live in a Utopian world believing that marriage is the panacea to all your problems in your parental home. The disease of living in a make-believe world with unrealistic expectations from marriage can afflict people of any age.
For marriages to last longer, both partners need to be equipped with life-coping skills, both intra-personal and interpersonal. They need to know the art of constructive communication and problem-solving. They also need to find personal gratification in vitally fulfilling endeavours other than the relationship, so that both can bring value and joy to the relationship. This will also help to strike the right balance between a shared and mutually nurtured space and the individual space for both to pursue their journey of personal growth. It is such maturely managed relationships that last longer, and it is such a marriage in which you can truly be declared ‘man and wife’.
Michael Douglas
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/do-early-marriages-last-longer-130417.html
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