Archive for January, 2009
Why Do Most Marriages Fail?
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Roughly 50% of all marriages fail and many of those dont even make it past the first year. Understanding why these marriages fail can be key to ensuring that your own marriage does not fail. Some factors that contribute to the failure of a marriage include a lack of communication or poor communication, financial issues and even the circumstances of the marriage. All of these issues can exist in a healthy and enduring marriage but if they are not dealt with properly they can lead to the failure of the marriage.
Communication is critical to the success of a marriage. Without proper communication, conflict resolution becomes a difficult issue. If the couple lacks the communication skills necessary to resolve their problems, then even the smallest problems will become insurmountable. Communication allows a relationship to grow and thrive by giving the partners an opportunity to share their dreams, concerns, hopes and desires with each other. Without sharing in this way a couple will not grow as close together as possible. Communication also gives the couple a healthy way to resolve their arguments.
If one or both partners lack effective communications skills it becomes difficult to resolve arguments because the couple is not able to understand each others points of view.
If the marriage is already in trouble, both partners in the marriage must be dedicated to working on their communication skills in order to improve or salvage their marriage. The absence of effective communication techniques can lead to the failure of a marriage.
Love may conquer all but sometimes even love isnt enough to save a marriage when there are significant financial concerns. While financial concerns in and of themselves may not be the cause of a failed marriage the tension that financial concerns create is often the culprit in a failed marriage. Financial concerns can be a heavy burden to bear and when a couple is struggling to meet their financial obligations, there can be a tremendous amount of pressure in the relationship. This pressure may be enough to destroy an otherwise healthy marriage.
If one of the partners in the marriage becomes obsessed with the marital finances they can begin to neglect other aspects of the marriage. This neglectful behavior has the affect of making the spouse feel ignored and lonely which can be damaging to a marriage. Often one of the partners will become consumed with the financial affairs and this can be very damaging to a marriage.
Even the circumstances surrounding the marriage can lead to its failure. A marriage of convenience is often not a healthy marriage. When the decision to marry is based on something other than true love, it is likely that the marriage will fair. Some examples of marriage circumstances that often lead to failure are getting married because there is a baby on the way or because the couple is feeling pressure to get married by friends and family members. Neither of these reasons are truly valid reasons for marriage and often leads to divorce. When a couple marries for reasons other than true love the marriage is often doomed before it starts.
Marrying too young is another reason why many marriages fail. While the right age to marry varies greatly depending on the person, many people argue that the teens and early twenties are too early to get married. Getting married before you have had a chance to enjoy many of lifes experiences can result in resentfulness in the marriage and can be the cause of failure of the marriage.
Another reason why many marriages fail is that society no longer places importance on the institution of marriage. Today it is common for couples to live together and have children without being married. This degeneration of society devalues marriage and results in a higher percentage of failed marriages. With so little value placed on marriage in todays society, couples are not committed to making their marriage work and are often quick to give up on the marriage and each other.
Many marriages today are doomed before they even start. Marriage is no longer seen as a necessary step in a relationship so many couples are quick to divorce without making an honest effort to resolve their problems. Communication breakdown, financial difficulties as well as circumstances of the marriage are all problems that can cause many marriages to fail.
Walls Of Communication!
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Matters of the heart are a true mystery to all involved. In
order to
make a commitment to a relationship, it takes strength and trust
in
another. When we trust our partner and we receive trust back, it
is a
very nice feeling. One should never betray or play games with
that
trust. Those games usually get caught, and a broken trust will
surely
create a huge wall of communication breakdown. When you truly
trust
another, you are opening your heart and mind to an outsider. You
are
at this time very vulnerable for just about any kind of
emotional
attack. Confusion and misunderstandings are amongst those
emotions
now.
This is why communication is so important. It is the key to
opening
all those doors. Without it, the doors will remained locked and
one
will have to work very hard to break through. It is much more
productive to just talk, listen, and understand your partner. I
am not
saying that this will be easy, but with love in your heart, it
can be
done. The end results will definitely be more lasting. For every
forced door, there will be a negative memory to try to bypass in
the
future. When doors are open with love, patience and respect,
they will
have only good memories to savour and smile upon in the future.
Those
are extremely important in tearing down those walls.
Communication is a very important act between two people. It
even has
more importance than sex to keep a relationship building
stronger. In
order to to communicate, it takes two willing and open minds. If
one
mind is closed, all that will happen is the other will grow in
confusion and frustration.
Some of us worry about the ABC`s in life and others worry about
the
EF&G`s in life. Thats OK. It is what adds the color to our black
and
white life with each other. Yes it would be easier if we all
worried
and thought about things equally. It would be less confusing.
But only
for a short time. Soon enough our complacency with each other
would
get “OLD”. It would be as if we could read each others minds,
but what
would be the point if we thought and worried the same.
A little bit of controversy is a much needed thing in a
relationship.
It helps us to get to know another part of our partner and also
our
own selves. When we open our hearts to another, only then will
we
offer this part of us. Until then it isn’t necessary. One very
important thing about a person sharing their inner most fears
and
disappointments is never, ever, try to stifle that person or
walk away
in frustration. If someone is that open with you, embrace it and
hear
them out. Never belittle their concerns as being immature or
nonsensical because you would never have those concerns.
Remember the
ABC`s, we all think differently. Only then can you both
communicate,
otherwise you will add another block to the wall of
communication
breakdown.
When we are forced into silence, we begin to build walls. If we
are
not allowed to voice our inner feelings or disappointments, we
will
quickly stop trying to communicate forever. Once the first brick
has
then been set, the foundation of the wall to communication
breakdown
will rise up very fast. Trust me, there is not a single
relationship
that does not carry or tear down a brick to the wall of
communication.
There are many levels of relationships. Some of us are put into
situations that take much courage to see past our hurts and
disappointments. Just remember what brought your relationship
together
in the beginning. Many times we will be forced to return to page
one
and start from there. With open minds and nonjudgmental hearts
we can
get past many mistakes and problems that will arise in a
relationship.
Another favorite, but not so good habit that we as humans
create, is
to regurgitate things over and over again. I use the word
“regurgitate”, because that’s how I view having things being
tossed
back in your face. Have you ever noticed that another lovely
habit
(NOT) that we as humans have is to only dig up the dirt when we
are in
the heat of anger? We do this time and time again, because we
already
know that these things are a guaranteed hit. It is a very cheap
and
bullish way to try to win a conversation. Is that not what most
communication breakdowns are? Conversation wars that end up
shooting
old ammunition back and forth at one another? The problem there
is
that noone ever wins that battle. All that is really happening
is that
both parties have just taken an equal part in adding more blocks
to
the wall of communication breakdown. Both sides lose.
Communication can only really work when neither party is being
selfish, meaning that if one person is feeling that they are
being
attacked with every word that is coming their way, and it is all
about
hurting them. They have automatically closed an open door
without even
realizing it. Low self-esteem will surely make a person feel
this way.
Or if one partner gets carried away and will not stop to let the
other
party absorb what was just said, this too is a typical selfish
act.
That is why it is important that we take turns with each other
and try
to understand what is actually being said. If one partner
misunderstands, and you are aware of that, then you are
responsible to stop and work with them in a loving manner to get
them
to open that door. It is vital to not assume anything until the
other
person has completely finished.
This is why the power of writing is so productive. One person
writes
his/her thoughts down, uninterrupted, without fear of being
derailed
from their thoughts and with the ability to just get it all of
their
chest, so to speak. People pay big bucks to be told just this,
so
listen up! If you find that your wall of communication breakdown
is
starting to build, then this habit of writing letters to each
other is
a very good way to bypass the wall.
Always reread your letter before handing it over. That too helps
you
to maybe erase a thought or two that was purely emotional when
writing
it. We all know that old saying, “I did`t mean that, I was just
upset
at the time”. Well there’s a hind site tip for all of us
struggling
with that d**n wall of communication breakdown.
Do you ever feel that you are so far under that wall, that you
will
never be able to communicate with your partner again and just
want to
run away? Before you run away, think about exactly what and why
you
are running from. Are you running from a partner that could very
well
be the best thing that ever happened to you? Or are you in fact
running away from your own issues that you refuse to deal with?
Remember this, if it is your own demons that you fear, you will
run
forever. You will never be happy. You will always blame your
relationship or your partner for your downfalls. Running away is
a cop
out. It is a true weakness in character. To stay and fight and
trust
that your partner will understand your troubles is a true sign
of
courage and one that will be greatly respected.
We all have our pasts. We must understand that yes, they did
happen
and that is what they are, past issues. To have your past
continue to
come between yourself and your partner is a bad thing. Whether
it is a
person or just an experience, it should be left in the past.
This is
where good communication comes to the rescue yet again. When we
are
made aware of certain issues in our partners pasts, it sometimes
makes
them easier to understand and deal with if they happen to come
about
again. If we are left in the dark and we have to meet up with
another’s past and it is not a very good experience, we will be
weak
in defense and our ability to communicate positively will be
almost
non-existent.
Some people fear their partners pasts, viewing them as a threat
to
their own relationship. This is normal and should be dealt with
through love and understanding. Again we must communicate with
each
other and not look down on anyone for their honesty and true
fears.
That wall of communication breakdown will never completely come
down
if we skip a few blocks and ignore them, or handle them so wrong
that
they double in size. A good strong relationship will endure most
any
mistake made by humans as long as both partners are willing and
honest
with each other.
********************************************
“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all
different
in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a
guide
to our communication with others.”
- Anthony Robbins
“Words are a wonderful form of communication, but they will
never
replace kisses and hugzzz”
-Dorothy
“Some think that love is all flowers and good times, but I think
that
love is more than just that. Love is the bad, as well as the
better,
not lived alone, but a journey together. Something that only the
closest can share, with communication, respect,”
-Anonymou
All The Secrets Behind Pre Marriage Counseling
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Almost all therapists are strongly recommending pre marital counseling. Getting married without pre marriage counseling can be risky; the couple’s goal is to be really happy in the long run. Professional, skill based pre marriage counseling reduce the risk of divorce and lead to a happy marriage; it can also reduce the stress of the pre wedding period and ensure the partners that their dreams of a happy marriage can be realized.
Pre marriage counseling is preparing the partners to strengthen their relationship, to improve their communication skills and prepare constructively for future challenges and problems that everyone face in a life time. Pre marriage counseling is binging fresh positive energy in a relationship; the months before the wedding are the best time to get the optimum benefit from marriage preparation. After the wedding, under the inevitable stress, negative habits may become established and become much harder to avoid.
After the wedding, couples must face more requirements and have less support than ever. The partners must manage two careers, rear children and these activities must be based on very strong, well-established communication skills. The partners must know how to collaborate to maintain mutuality and set goals. Many individuals are feeling overwhelmed by time pressures and stress. Problems are intruding more easily than people realize; those who grew up with unhappily married or divorced parents must find that they have unrealistically expectations and may become unhappy. Pre marriage counseling may avoid these situations.
Pre marriage counseling is an immunization function that boosts the partners’ capacities to handle potential difficulties. Couples who do receive marital counseling get it from their religious adviser; there are communication skills programs, assessment inventory too to educate engaged couples in the habits, and skills that lead to happy enduring marriages. Pre marriage counseling is education, not therapy; it can be considered as career counseling. Pre marriage counseling is teaching how to resolve the common problems that every couple must face in a life time. People consider pre marriage counseling a common place, as test preparation or driver’s training.
Pre marriage counseling give people the benefit of a supportive environment, the skills to deal with the problems a marriage can have during a life time. The couples will acquire real expectations, real knowledge of partner and self to face the challenges of a happy relationship. Professional therapists are presenting a list of skills and knowledge areas, essential to endurance of marriage. Communication skills, compatibility, long term goals, conflict resolution, expectations, intimacy and sexuality and personalities must be covered by successful pre marriage counseling.
When a couple decides to attend a pre marriage class, the small groups must be the first choice, because they can be engaging and personalized, involving and stimulating. Conflict resolution, goal setting skills and communication are presented to give the couple the best way to resolve the marriage issues. Pre marriage counseling is also offered on line. There are some important web sites presenting professional pre-marriage counseling programs, wedding information too.
MIHV Message Campaign – Couple Communication
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Check out MIHV’s message campaign on child spacing (family planning) that is airing on Somali TV in Minnesota. This video contains a song written and sung by Hibo Nuur, a well-known Somali singer.
Here is the English translation of the song:
Child spacing is a set of programs that are never-ending; they get passed on from generation to generation be prepared to listen.
Pay attention to child spacing. A child that is born now that is malnourished and not strong enough do not give birth to another one.
If child spacing is not going to be in your lifestyle, the mother and the newly born baby are going to be in jeopardy pay attention.
If the father and the mother stand together and discuss things together, they will achieve a common goal then the problem is solved and success is born.
Let the whole family flourish and nourish joy by playing with the children. Do not be away from this, be a part of it.
It is already written from God about the number of children; be prepared it has already been determined. Let it be in your heart and soul to space children 2, 3 and 4 years.
Duration : 0:2:3
Overview: ertive Communication in the Workplace
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How does ertive communication differ from passive, passive-aggressive and aggressive communication styles? Why is it a good style of communication to use at work? What are the three parts of an ertive statement?
Duration : 0:6:9
Marriage & Relationship Advice : How to Tell the Difference Between Love &
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The difference between love and is that love requires communication with a partner and is about sexual gratification. Understand whether a relationship is about love or with information from a family therapist in this free video on marriage and relationships.
Duration : 0:1:11
The Toilet Seat Argument – Nonviolent Communication NVC
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Kelly Bryson and Christine King of NVC Santa Cruz role play a couple talking about the toilet seat position, up or down?
Duration : 0:10:54
Dating Tips for Men : How to Tell a Woman You Like Her Romantically
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If a man likes a woman romantically, he should come out and tell them if the relationship is relatively new. Tell a women you like her and make sure you’re on the same page with tips from a professional dating coach in this free video on relationship advice.
Duration : 0:1:19
Discussing the relationship.61 – Phone Sex!
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Moving, a new member of the family, long distance relationships, phone sex, and valentines advice!
Duration : 6 min 17 sec