Advice for marriage problems can be found in many places these days. It seems like everywhere you turn there are marriage counselors, therapists, or a life coach who want to solve your marriage problems. Some of the advice out there can actually help you, while some of it may do more harm than good. So what do you do when seeking advice for marriage problems?

A person doesn’t necessarily have to be someone licensed to give you some good advice for marriage problems. Many times another married couple, or even someone who is single will be able to help you spot what the real problems in your marriage are. They should be able to see the issues such as neglect, disloyalty, disrespect, and anger in your relationship as well as anyone. Sometimes it is very helpful just to know what the real issues are. Your friends and family members may have even experienced the same things and could let you know what they did to fix the situation.

The problem with opening up your marriage relationship to family and friends is that they may not necessarily be 100% objective. It won’t help much if they are blinded to your part in the problems. If you or your spouse isn’t comfortable sharing intimate details of your life to family and friends, it might be best to consult a neutral 3rd party.

3 Common Marriage Problems:

1. Resentment – this can occur when one partner feels they are shouldering more of the load than their partner. This can be resolved by talking to your partner about how you are feeling and then really listening to how they feel about the situation. Good communication is key to having a healthy relationship.

1. Financial Problems – Many marriage problems stem from stress over finances. This can be solved or alleviated by making financial decisions together. When one spouse controls the finances and all financial decisions, problems are inevitable. Don’t let stress over financial issues drag your marriage down.

1. No Personal Space Or Too Much Time Alone – Nobody likes to be suffocated by a relationship, but we also don’t want to feel alone. The solution is to find a middle ground where you each have some time with friends, but also make time to be together.

Even a great relationship will hit bumps in the road at times, so be prepared. It will happen at some point to all of us. So when it happens to you, where will you go to get some great advice for marriage problems?

Lacey Wills
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/advice-for-marriage-problems-3-common-problems-and-what-you-can-do-about-them-693150.html

can counsealing help if you only have bad communication in marrige, and we are married almost 2 years

Counseling is your only hope, but, it wont do a bit of good unless you both decide to take those blinders off and be open to what counseling is going to reveal.

Marriages are said to be made in heaven but there are times when these marriages need help. There is any number of marriage counselors who can help couples find ways to save their marriage. For Christian couples seeking help from Christian marriage counseling this is a way to preserve their marriage. These counselors have not just the experience of rescuing marriages but they have strong faith in the word of God.

For these Christian marriage counseling advisors the realness of marriage is one that is faced daily. They see many couples who start out with high hopes seeking help as their marriages dissolve around them. The counselors whose help is sought-after will try to help the couples, but the couples are the only ones who can make a marriage work.

Today marriages are faced with a wide variety of elements and these elements can often times distract or bring about disillusion. For those of the Christian faith, these distractions can test their belief system like nothing else can.

When seeking help many often times turn to their faith and look for help within the Chrisitian family. However, the same rules apply. When looking for help you want to be looking for someone who:

* You feel comfortable with (both you and your partner)

* Someone who you can confide in

* Someone who has a strong faith in the word of God

* Someone who has experience with marriage

In Christian marriage counseling, some of what is advised is:

* Understand you are two people sharing your lives together.

* Understand and remember you need to work together to make your marriage work.

* Road bumps or problems will arise, how you two as a couple handle the situation is of importance.

* Return to the bible and visit it’s teachings on marriage.

From the bible verses the couples will see exactly what marriage is termed as and what their responsibilities to the union are. The Christian marriage counseling will help the couple talk about the problems in their lives and find ways to work out these problems. One of the facts that could be discussed is how each person in the marriage regards the other. Things that could be discussed are:

* Do you respect each other

* What might be each others roles in any given situation

* How do you respond to your partners needs

Once a few of the problems have been talked about the counselor will be able to advise you on what steps you might want to take. You will be told that these steps are just the beginning suggestions. From these suggestions you will have the chance of seeing what else you can do to reopen your marriage. You will of course be advised to talk with each other.

And within this conversation a key element is to stay open and not take things personal. Know that both of you are trying to find a common solution that will work. To often individuals feel threatened and take a defensive stance, not really understanding why. Communication and openness are the keys to success.

By talking you will be able to see the point of view of your partner. This is an crucial aspect that can work. In your Christian marriage counseling you will also be advised to try sociable activities where you work with others. Sometimes working on projects at your Christian church can help as you are closer to God.

While a divorce is not advocated in a Christian marriage it is becoming a reality. To help mend the cracks there is always trained professionals. From the advice you receive you have many avenues open to saving your marriage. Christian marriage counseling can help open the doors for a new origin for your marriage.

Remember, communicate to each other, reason things out and don’t take things personal. Trust in God and know he will always prevail. Keep your eyes open, for sometimes the message or answer never looks like what we expect to.

Bowe Packer
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/a-few-quick-strategies-on-christian-marriage-counseling-121291.html

Getting married without pre marriage counseling is starting a business without preparing. As half of marriages end in divorce, and only one half of those that are married are truly happy in their lives, it is very important to be prepared before getting married. If you only count on your luck to have a successful marriage, your chances are one in four.

Professional pre marriage counseling is reducing the risks of divorce. Pre marriage counseling leads to a happier marriage and reduce the stress of the pre wedding period. Pre marriage counseling is also based on the reality that you must carefully prepare for your future challenges and problems. Your relationship is fresh and full of energy; there is a window of opportunity during the year before the marriage and six months after when couples can receive the optimum benefit from their marriage preparation.

Prepare your future
Later, stress and daily problems will be much harder to learn how to solve marriage problems. Partners must face many important demands, managing two careers and rearing children. To achieve these goals, partners must have very strong skills to communicate, resolve issues and maintain fidelity. Without pre marriage counseling, it is really difficult to face so many demands with no support.

Problems can appear more easily than people believe. Unrealistically positive expectations can make people unhappy; pre marriage counseling helps to establish realistic goals and use every advantage to succeed. Pre marriage counseling is often realized by religious advisers. There are also non-religious professional counselors to provide pre marriage counseling. People believe that pre marriage counseling is a kind of therapy; it is a form of education, similar to career counseling.

Pre marriage counseling is improving partners’ skills to contribute to the couple’s success. Long-term goals, compatibility and expectations, communication, intimacy and conflict resolution are the guarantee of long term endurance in a successful marriage. Couple must make sure that pre marriage counseling must cover all these themes. Sometimes, the challenges the partners are running are part of their relationship development.

It is possible that a pre marriage counseling with a specialist or religious adviser not address some important zones; the partners must fid a program that does. The skill building and education are the main factors in long-term problems prevention and marriage success. Today there are so many challenges that marriages need all the help they can have.

Helen Leman
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/all-the-untold-secrets-about-pre-marriage-counseling-122686.html

Ask the question “what makes for a good marriage?” and you’re likely to get as many answers as there are ice cream flavors. It’s a very subjective topic and those who have good marriages will rattle off the ingredients that they believe have made their union happy and successful; on the other hand, those who are trapped in bad marriages will rattle off ingredients that they WISHED they had.

Sometimes you don’t need words to describe what makes for a good marriage. Actions speak louder than words and unless the husband and wife used to be theatrical actors, you could tell, just by sheer gut instinct, if the marriage is happy or not.

A prerequisite for a solid marriage is happiness. Needless to say, if the union isn’t happy, the marriage will be iffy at best. Rocky. Tense. But happiness is such an abstract term. What makes one couple happy may make another couple miserable.

Remember success guru Jack Canfield? He was the co-creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul – that famous running bestseller. Don’t worry, we’re not going to recommend that you make chicken soup a staple in your diet to have a good marriage. We don’t claim to be experts at quackery. Chicken soup, humbug!

Actually, Jack Canfield wrote another book called The Success Principles (2005) and in the chapter on human relationships, he cites the words of Dan Sullivan, co-founder and president of The Strategic Coach, Inc: “In every society, there are ‘human benchmarks’ – certain individuals whose behavior becomes a model for everyone else – shining examples that others admire and emulate. We call these individuals ‘class acts.’

What Makes for a Good Marriage? – A Series of Class Acts

According to Jack Canfield, Sullivan describes the qualities of a class act that can serve as a guide not only in different areas of your professional life but in your own marriage as well. Given that these class acts always involve human relationships, making our marriages happy and not short of honesty and integrity would depend on -

• Living by our highest standards – this needs no explanation. The higest standards of conduct are found in the marriage vows we recited in front of hundreds of witnesses. Loyalty and fidelity are commodities not to be taken lightly. They form the foundation of a good marriage. Just because you go through a boring phase in your relationship doesn’t mean you can go around and carry on extra-marital affairs

• Maintaining dignity and grace under pressure – marriage is not a walk in the park – not by a long shot. There will be problems, the traditional ups and downs, arguments over the most domestic of domestic issues. This can add to the pressure of the union. If we can deal with emotional chaos intelligently we become a class act. One partner has to remain calm to give the other person hope that things will be all right. As this complementary role becomes a habit, it is easier to do in the later years.

• Focusing and improving the behavior of the other – by being a role model, your spouse will naturally follow your example and as Canfield says, your spouse will begin acting at a level that surprises both themselves and others.

• Operating from a larger, inclusive perspective – it’s not the credit card bill or the utility bill that is the culprit. Bills are just the outcomes of lifestyles. If one spouse is a big spender and the other is not, this is good reason for some dialoguing. Our spouses have certain traits that repeatedly annoy us. Instead of walking away in frustration, we take on a class act and open the door of opportunity for some honest communication.

• Increasing the quality of every experience – a class act is said to have occurred when husbands and wives have the ability to transform insignificant situations into enjoyable, stimulating and memorable ones. It’s the “stirring the oatmeal” principle all over again. We make the effort to find delight in the ordinariness of life – it’s the only way we learn to appreciate what we have instead of trying to emulate the exciting lifestyles of others.

• Avoiding meanness, pettiness and vulgarity – the saying “familiarity breeds contempt” is best illustrated in a marriage. As we get to know our partners more, we are sometimes tempted to belittle them, forgetting that feelings are fragile, and the wrong words could leave a permanent sting. Class acts have no room for pettiness or vulgarity.

What Makes for a Good Marriage – Back to Basics

We often find enchantment in new concepts and fanciful words coined by marriage counselors and psychologists. The arena of marriage is brimming with advice and tips and how-to manuals. Yet, the answer to the question of what makes for a good marriage is often the old-fashioned one, the true and tested. By going back to the basics, we realize that men and women simply need to reinforce their commitment to each other through little gestures that count.

Ingredients for a good marriage run the slew of having a good humor, maintaining ties with the community, mutual encouragement, consistent planning for the future, and a natural curiosity in life. It is true that children and bills could make us somewhat jaded, but if we put that all aside and look to the future with enthusiasm, we turn into pillars of a good marriage.

It may sound awfully corny if we said that we’d have more good marriages than bad if couples loved more, shared more, and communicated more. These are the old fashioned paradigms that we should live by. Bringing out the best in our spouse is a sure recipe for a successful marriage. One spouse cannot overdo the other. The euphoria of accomplishment must be equally shared and not suffocate the other.

Husband: Jill has always been an ambitious person, anxious to learn new things and explore the world. When we got married I told her I wouldn’t stand in the way of her aspirations and that I would support her wholeheartedly. I have allowed her to grow and develop on her own, and because she has this freedom, she doesn’t encroach in my own playing field. We do our own thing and at the end of the day we come home and talk about how our day went. I guess not having children helped me to keep that promise of non-interference.

Wife: Lawrence has not once made a disparaging remark about my hobbies and undertakings. We’ve found a comfortable zone where we each could grow and develop. I mind my business, he minds his. I didn’t think I could have such an easy, low maintenance relationship with Lawrence. Through our hands-off policy in our own hopes and dreams, we’ve in fact strengthened our marriage hands on!

If you’re really curious about what makes for a good marriage, don’t conduct a survey; instead look around you and smell the coffee. Watch out for that sparkle in their eyes when they’re with you. Observe how they play with each other’s ear, and monitor their spontaneity when they’re in the company of others.
Are their smiles pregnant with meaning? Do they laugh at each other’s jokes? Do you notice how much admiration for the other goes around?

You be the judge!

David Beart
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/what-makes-for-a-good-marriage-134700.html

I never cried as much as I do now before I got married and the worse part is even when I do cry it is ignored by my own husband.People that love you would be concerned with whats wrong, but not him.He doesnt even ask"whats wrong", he literally ignores me.I have spoken to him about our communication problems for the past 6 months now and nothing has really changed.I try to hold a conversation with him sometimes and its like hes not there.It seems as though things go wrong a day or so after we have sex.Its like a cycle, when he hasn’t had any we start getting close and have fun together which leads into making love a few days later but after that it seems like he barely wants to have anything to do with me.How can you be with someone whom you feel loves you only sometimes?How can your spouse ignore you when you are hurt?I have no children. I believe we married too soon,within 6 mos.I dont wnt to give up a marriage so easy but I dnt wnt to hve gray hairs at 23 either.Shld I call it quits?

Honey let me tell you something right now! This man is emotionally blocked and you are going to be in that marriage alone. I have already lived this and now know that it was a waste of time, and further, he responds to the children the same way. No one can tell you to leave this marriage you make that decision for yourself or not at all, but I have to tell you that I wish I had thought it an option, at least! Living with a blocked person is no joke and in the end, you will realize it is a form of abuse. Take this seriously, and I wish you the very best.

Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that “special someone” who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter what? If so, you’re not alone. In fact, statistics show that about 90% of adults will get married at least once in their lives.

As a society, we’ve become so conditioned to the fairy tale of “Happily Ever After” that many people actually feel as if their life is lacking something if they’re not a part of a couple.

But sadly, just like in the movies, most peoples’ thoughts seem to stop at the part when the music swells and the happy couple says “I do” and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband and wife. They don’t think about what happens after the honeymoon.

Considering that about 43% of all marriages in the U.S. ends in divorce, perhaps a class on the realities of building and maintaining a strong healthy marriage should become required before signing on the dotted line of a marriage license.

Having a happy marriage doesn’t just happen by accident. It doesn’t happen because you’re “in love” or “perfect” for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.

Here are some tips given by couples whose marriages are strong and healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and you’ll be on your way to having what we all want — a happy marriage!

1. Communicate. It’s important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage — jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education, church. If you’re suddenly not being able to spend time together, or you’re fighting about money, it’s especially important to talk about what’s going on.

2. Listen. It’s a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it’s to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you’d give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don’t try to finish their sentences, don’t try to solve their problems, and don’t ever say, “I told you so!” Here’s an especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:

It’s really a good idea to probe a little deeper into the subject of marriage,love. What you learn may give you the confidence you need to venture into new areas.

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

3. Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple has their own private rituals – things they do that has a special meaning just to them. So whether it’s getting your spouse coffee every morning, a special touch that means “I love you”, or creating couple signals for “Let’s get out of here, or “No, I don’t want to buy a timeshare for $95,000!” find your own. Remember some of your favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in your own couple. Someday, you’ll look back on each time as a treasured memory.

4. Go on a date. Couples who have been together for thirty, forty and even fifty years or more say that one of the things that has kept their marriage strong is going out on a “date” with their spouse on a regular basis. If money is tight, try taking a walk together, going to a dollar movie, or even to a drive-in. Spending quality “couple-time” helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.

5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after they’re married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because of a difference in how money is handled in the couple. Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major differences is only going to lead to long term problems.

6. Love and Respect. No matter what happens outside of your marriage, it’s vital that you and your spouse always treat each other with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or before going out. Say “I love you” every single day. Mind your manners, and say “Please” and “Thank-you”. Do something for the one you love every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often you’ve heard them. Don’t sweat the little things. Try something new once in a while.

7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage. This can be especially difficult today, but it’s important that you put your marriage first. If you’re committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that your partner shares your commitment, there’s nothing that the two of you can’t accomplish.

And you’ll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage!

Don’t limit yourself by refusing to learn the details about marriage,love. The more you know, the easier it will be to focus on what’s important.

Michael Hehn
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/seven-secrets-of-a-happy-marriage-87950.html