The Importance Of Listening And Communication

 Communication and the importance Of listening is enormous. Most people focus   on their oral communication and are utterly convinced  that good speaking equals effective communication. The ability to speak well is  a necessary part of  successful communication. The  ability to listen is equally as important.

The importance of listening in communication is often easy to see when we look at our listening skills with those closest to us. In particular I am referring to our spouse, partner,  children or friends. Pay attention to the everyday discussions we share with those close to us with whom we think we are communicating well.

How often do you find yourself mindlessly saying “yes”when one of these people is trying to  tell you something only to have say just after  pardon me, I missed that sorry I was miles away. Have you been  talking to one of these people and you are not really listening completely to what they  have to say  because  you are already preparing your reply?

This is  more common than you think  and yet we think we are great communicators. In order to  interact effectively  we have to be able to  listen to and understand what the other person is saying. Not just hear because the acoustics are good or because the other person is speaking in a loud enough tone. It is important that we hear what the person is saying because we have taken the time to actively listen.
Listening takes effort and when it comes to  getting better communication skills there is no getting around that. When we are  listening to  music or television our attention is often not focused. If we want   our communication skills to get stronger it is important that we  not day dream in a conversation and instead concentrate fully on what  is being said .

No doubt this can be difficult. Not every conversation we are in is  fascinating for us. If  however, we want to improve these skills  focus is  crucial especially  when dealing with  younger children and teenagers.

By  giving the other person time  to completely finish  what they are saying before you begin to  create your answer is also  important  to good listening. To do this even better wait a  few seconds before you begin to  reply. This gives the other person a chance to add anything else they may have thought of. By  waiting an additional moment  before you reply you also let the other person know they have been heard completely. If you practice this for a  time people will relax when  talking to you  because they will know that  they don’t have to rush to get their two cents in. They will appreciate the fact that they can communicate with you and be heard.

When having those important conversations with  the people closest to you, try taking it one step further and  reflectively listen by feeding back  what they said.
For example  By doing this you give who you are talking with the  chance to correct any misconceptions that may have occurred  or to clarify any points they were trying to make. This  heightens the level of communication you are  striving for . And the person you are communicating with  will certainly feel  more relaxed and willing to share with you given the care you are taking with the conversation.

The  strategy of  repeating back  for clarity had been extremely useful  when I have  had conversations with my teenagers. It also comes in handy when  speaking with  a spouse or partner. Often times in those situations we begin to assume we know what the other person means.  By giving them a chance to finish what they are saying it  allows for greater intimacy, something we often want in our relationships but wonder why we are not  getting .

The importance of listening in communication is  definitely underestimated. Good listeners  are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find out what  is important to other people. If you understand what is important to people then you understand how to reach them.

The  techniques I just described  are  equally powerful in the workplace especially in  customer care If you are really listening to what your  clients needs are it will be that much easier to fulfill those needs. The customer will be impressed that you listened to what they were communicating instead of just going into sales mode. I have personally found in sales that the more I listened and the less I talked the better my sales ratio was and the more satisfied my clients were. That is a win-win situation for all involved.

Technorati Tags: effective communication skills, importance of communication, improve communication skills, interpersonal communication skills, relationship communication

There are 12 barriers to relationship communication that will strain the relationship to breaking point.Thomas Gordon came up with these 12  roadblocks if you want satisfying and fulfilling relationships.

1. Criticizing. Criticism involves judgmental states that usually put down a person. “Don’t do it that way”, “You’re wrong”, “You’re not very good at…”, and “You need to lose weight” are a few simple criticisms. We think criticism changes people, though it only reveals our own problems. Kill this barrier before it kills your relationships.

2. Labeling. Labels are names. An extreme form of labels is name-calling. “You’re a jerk”, “You are silly”, and “I think you’re mean” are some examples of labeling. Labeling is a barrier to communication because it categorizes people. It assumes people to have characteristics and destroys uniqueness that makes an enjoyable relationship.

3. Diagnosing. A diagnosis is one of the more complex barriers to effective communication. It involves reading into a person’s behavior. I call it “playing the amateur psychologist”. Some examples of the diagnosing barrier are: “You’re just jealous about…”, “You need to be happier”, and “Stop trying to antagonize me.”

4. Praising. People are always surprised when they hear praise is a communication barrier. Praise is not always a barrier because it depends on how it is given. Praise is so often poorly given as it makes people – especially children – dependent on receiving verbal rewards. “You’re a good boy”, “I love you for doing what you did”, and “You’re a lovely person because you think about me”. Learn to praise a person’s behavior, and be specific, to avoid evaluative praise and making people dependent on your praise.

5. Ordering. Orders are controlling statements to get people doing something. They are akin to dictatorship. “Go wash the dishes”, “Stop complaining”, and “Stop fighting with…” Orders force people to comply based on authoritative power. The result is resistant change and resentment. It is very common for people to rebel against orders so they regain their freedom. Psychologists call this “psychological reactance”
.

6. Threatening. A threat is similar to an order, except it has emphasis on punishment. “Go wash the dishes or I won’t cook for you tomorrow night”, “Stop complaining or you’ll be sent to your room”, “Stop fighting with… or you’ll be grounded”. Just like orders, threats create fear, temporary results, and resentment – while killing a relationship.

7. Questioning. How could questioning be a barrier to effective communication? Like praise, there are types of questioning that make it a roadblock to good relationship communication. Rhetorical questions is one common form of poor questioning. Examples include, “Why do you disobey me?” “Why do you always do wrong?” and “What about my needs? You constantly ignore them.”

These are 7 of 12 barriers to effective communication. When you overcome all 12 barriers to effective communication, you communicate openly, intimately, understand you’re partner – all the while creating change in your relationships.

By Joshua Ubergang

Technorati Tags: communication skills, couples communication, relationship communication

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