The Importance Of Listening In Relationship Communication

      The Importance Of Listening And Communication

 Communication and the importance Of listening is enormous. Most people focus   on their oral communication and are utterly convinced  that good speaking equals effective communication. The ability to speak well is  a necessary part of  successful communication. The  ability to listen is equally as important.

The importance of listening in communication is often easy to see when we look at our listening skills with those closest to us. In particular I am referring to our spouse, partner,  children or friends. Pay attention to the everyday discussions we share with those close to us with whom we think we are communicating well.

How often do you find yourself mindlessly saying “yes”when one of these people is trying to  tell you something only to have say just after  pardon me, I missed that sorry I was miles away. Have you been  talking to one of these people and you are not really listening completely to what they  have to say  because  you are already preparing your reply?

This is  more common than you think  and yet we think we are great communicators. In order to  interact effectively  we have to be able to  listen to and understand what the other person is saying. Not just hear because the acoustics are good or because the other person is speaking in a loud enough tone. It is important that we hear what the person is saying because we have taken the time to actively listen.
Listening takes effort and when it comes to  getting better communication skills there is no getting around that. When we are  listening to  music or television our attention is often not focused. If we want   our communication skills to get stronger it is important that we  not day dream in a conversation and instead concentrate fully on what  is being said .

No doubt this can be difficult. Not every conversation we are in is  fascinating for us. If  however, we want to improve these skills  focus is  crucial especially  when dealing with  younger children and teenagers.

By  giving the other person time  to completely finish  what they are saying before you begin to  create your answer is also  important  to good listening. To do this even better wait a  few seconds before you begin to  reply. This gives the other person a chance to add anything else they may have thought of. By  waiting an additional moment  before you reply you also let the other person know they have been heard completely. If you practice this for a  time people will relax when  talking to you  because they will know that  they don’t have to rush to get their two cents in. They will appreciate the fact that they can communicate with you and be heard.

When having those important conversations with  the people closest to you, try taking it one step further and  reflectively listen by feeding back  what they said.
For example  By doing this you give who you are talking with the  chance to correct any misconceptions that may have occurred  or to clarify any points they were trying to make. This  heightens the level of communication you are  striving for . And the person you are communicating with  will certainly feel  more relaxed and willing to share with you given the care you are taking with the conversation.

The  strategy of  repeating back  for clarity had been extremely useful  when I have  had conversations with my teenagers. It also comes in handy when  speaking with  a spouse or partner. Often times in those situations we begin to assume we know what the other person means.  By giving them a chance to finish what they are saying it  allows for greater intimacy, something we often want in our relationships but wonder why we are not  getting .

The importance of listening in communication is  definitely underestimated. Good listeners  are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find out what  is important to other people. If you understand what is important to people then you understand how to reach them.

The  techniques I just described  are  equally powerful in the workplace especially in  customer care If you are really listening to what your  clients needs are it will be that much easier to fulfill those needs. The customer will be impressed that you listened to what they were communicating instead of just going into sales mode. I have personally found in sales that the more I listened and the less I talked the better my sales ratio was and the more satisfied my clients were. That is a win-win situation for all involved.

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Marriage Communication and The Top Five Reasons to Get Marriage Counseling

 

Whether you’re having problems in your marriage or just want to have better mariage communication,  marriage counseling can be one  way to do this. A counselor can provide an objective ear and advice for couples who are struggling in their relationship and even for those who are doing fine, but want to ensure they don’t encounter any deep-seated problems in the future.

There are a number of reasons to get marriage communication skills; in this article we’ll look at five of the top reasons you may want to improve your marriage communication skills, or at least consider couples counseling.

One, marriage counseling can not only acts as a form of healing for troubled marriages; it can also act as a preventative measure for many large problems that may loom in a couple’s future. Whether or not you feel you need it, marriage counseling is worth looking into if you’re having problems in your marriage, or even if you’re a couple simply looking to cement your relationship more before you marry.

Two, marriage counseling can help couples find a number of workable solutions that may help their marriage. From infidelity to simple communication problems, a good therapist can help you figure out how to beat the odds and begin to heal your relationship.

Three, it is always helpful to have the ear of someone objective and distanced from your problems. Friends and family members may make good comforters and sounding boards, but they are necessarily biased. An objective therapist sees both sides and attempts to work with you to reconcile them.

Four, you married the person you’re with because you loved them; no matter what they’ve done, it’s worth trying at least once to save. To this affect, a therapist can help you determine how much your vested, and indeed, whether you truly want to be with or without them.

Five, if you have children, getting better marriage communication skill offers an alternative option to immediately divorcing or separating. While some marriages simply don’t work and won’t no matter what, an equal number suffer from misunderstandings, lack of trust and numerous other obstacles; if you have children, these problems are compounded. Marriage counseling can be an excellent option for figuring out one, if you can save your marriage, and two, how to handle questions, concerns and problems your children may have.

Marriagemax.com is an alternative marriage advice website created and run by relationship expert Mort Fertel since 2004. It covers a broad range of marriage topics and offers advice and ideas for helping out your marriage.

Kausik Dutta
http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/top-five-reasons-to-get-marriage-counseling-109237.html

 

Technorati Tags: communication in relationships, couples communication, marriage communication, relationship communication

Relationship Communication

There are 12 barriers to relationship communication that will strain the relationship to breaking point.Thomas Gordon came up with these 12  roadblocks if you want satisfying and fulfilling relationships.

1. Criticizing. Criticism involves judgmental states that usually put down a person. “Don’t do it that way”, “You’re wrong”, “You’re not very good at…”, and “You need to lose weight” are a few simple criticisms. We think criticism changes people, though it only reveals our own problems. Kill this barrier before it kills your relationships.

2. Labeling. Labels are names. An extreme form of labels is name-calling. “You’re a jerk”, “You are silly”, and “I think you’re mean” are some examples of labeling. Labeling is a barrier to communication because it categorizes people. It assumes people to have characteristics and destroys uniqueness that makes an enjoyable relationship.

3. Diagnosing. A diagnosis is one of the more complex barriers to effective communication. It involves reading into a person’s behavior. I call it “playing the amateur psychologist”. Some examples of the diagnosing barrier are: “You’re just jealous about…”, “You need to be happier”, and “Stop trying to antagonize me.”

4. Praising. People are always surprised when they hear praise is a communication barrier. Praise is not always a barrier because it depends on how it is given. Praise is so often poorly given as it makes people – especially children – dependent on receiving verbal rewards. “You’re a good boy”, “I love you for doing what you did”, and “You’re a lovely person because you think about me”. Learn to praise a person’s behavior, and be specific, to avoid evaluative praise and making people dependent on your praise.

5. Ordering. Orders are controlling statements to get people doing something. They are akin to dictatorship. “Go wash the dishes”, “Stop complaining”, and “Stop fighting with…” Orders force people to comply based on authoritative power. The result is resistant change and resentment. It is very common for people to rebel against orders so they regain their freedom. Psychologists call this “psychological reactance”
.

6. Threatening. A threat is similar to an order, except it has emphasis on punishment. “Go wash the dishes or I won’t cook for you tomorrow night”, “Stop complaining or you’ll be sent to your room”, “Stop fighting with… or you’ll be grounded”. Just like orders, threats create fear, temporary results, and resentment – while killing a relationship.

7. Questioning. How could questioning be a barrier to effective communication? Like praise, there are types of questioning that make it a roadblock to good relationship communication. Rhetorical questions is one common form of poor questioning. Examples include, “Why do you disobey me?” “Why do you always do wrong?” and “What about my needs? You constantly ignore them.”

These are 7 of 12 barriers to effective communication. When you overcome all 12 barriers to effective communication, you communicate openly, intimately, understand you’re partner – all the while creating change in your relationships.

 

By Joshua Ubergang

Technorati Tags: communication skills, couples communication, relationship communication

Better Communication Skills? or A Necessary Paradigm Shift

I came across a video on YouTube today.

Sounds ordinary enough…?

Or is there more to this email ?

What’s the…underlying reason that caused me to sit down and write to you today…

Well, it’s like this…

For a long time I have avoided being political. ( mainly as a result of being well and truly stomped on by the system in the past  whenever I was saying stuff they didn’t like.) 

More details later.

( maybe…!)

Just so you know, one of my deepest beliefs and values is that we MUST learn to cooperate better if we are to survive as a species.

Please note the use of the word survive here. And NO this is not just some impassioned plea to save the whales or any other single species.

This goes much deeper.
It’s all about the deep psychological shifts that humankind needs to make to get to the next level.

We have a behaviour problem here on planet Earth.
And I hate to be the one to tell you but it’s also a choice problem.

As a species and as individuals, both you and me chose a behaviour that was damaging to our home. Our planet.
And for a while we chose to ignore that because we were told that government and the financial system has the answers.

And we believed them.

BUT the truth is…

Our current behaviour is not useful for the long term sustainability of life. 

Human life on planet earth is an option.

That’s all it is. An option.

You are an evolutionary choice…

That’s tough to consider but I believe it’s true nonetheless.

You are at a decision point in your life.

We all are.

Nature doesn’t care for your future here any more than it cared for the future of T Rex.

The difference between you and T Rex

is that you have a brain that’s capable of creating choice AND you are still here.

NOW

at the moment we have systems in place that we use to run or manage our environment.

These systems are set up on the basis of competition, in just such a way, that there is inequality.

That inequality results in over 1 billion people living in poverty and starvation.

BUT the problem isn’t a lack of food to feed them with…

It goes deeper…

It’s all about beliefs and your psychology. The shift from a competition to a cooperation mindset.

And cooperation goes beyond mere sharing and management of resources.

Cooperation is and must become humanity’s belief system. A value system.

A way of being for all of humanity, regardless  of race, creed, financial status or any other BS idea you got taught about why other people are different to you.

Cooperation needs to be part of our conscious psychology as a species.

Think about the times when you are not happy…

Aren’t they almost always times when there is a conflict going on.

It is your responsibility to take control of your environment which starts with your internal environment.

Your beliefs about what is possible.

Control of your environment includes controlling what you think, feel and do.

Despite what you may have been told… you… are the only person who has control over your beliefs and thoughts.

Those who tell you that you have no choice… USUALLY HAVE A VESTED INTEREST in keeping you right where you are !.

(“That’s your place.You better get used to it”.  “Hey we were always poor, dumb, downtrodden”. “Your side of the family was/ is radee radee radee”,)
All of the above are just BELIEFS.

Other peoples beliefs… about what is right for you. And you do not have to accept their beliefs.
I mean it positively flies in the face of what’s written in the Constitution.

You have choice about what you will believe. What you can believe.

Yeah, I know it may sound difficult . But that’s just another belief.

Another idea that YOU have about…

taking control of your own thoughts. Taking control of your life and destiny.

Taking control of your environment

But if Tony Robbins can do it then so can you!

If I can do it, so can you ! 

Doesn’t mean you have to be a total master at it straight away.

It just means that you’re willing to believe it’s posssible to change what you believe.

If you are one of the few who don’t think it’s possible to change what you believe, from whatever you currently hold in your mind to something else, please do not read any further.

Instead consider…

what causes you to have such a limiting view.

Who or what told you to  believe that you are powerless over your own mind and where THAT belief came from for them.

You can always hit the back button / unsubscribe.

I will be upset, knowing that yet another human being just gave up on possibility, themself and the whole future of the planet.

The rest of us will ask ourselves the question  “Is there something more we can do to assist ?”

If you truly believe you are incapable of changing that one tiny belief don’t even bother to get out of bed tomorrow.

Why waste energy ?

Speaking of which, for those of you who are still here with me. ..What does get you out of bed ?

What is the motivator for you that shifts you from that warmth and comfort to whatever you do when you get up.?

Once you are aware of that then you have tapped into the most powerful motivation on the planet.

So, spend some time really getting in touch with WHY you do what you do.

I have considered for some time how do we transition from where we are now to where we need to be as a species.

As part of our ecosystem.

We are after all, at a very basic level,  just another item in the intricate biological soup that makes up life on this planet.

You of course are also infinite possibility in evolutionary motion.

You may be curious about what this all has to do with communication.

You can also be curious about How you can create the levels of cooperation needed to achieve survival.

Why did I just mentioned survival again?

Did you ever consider that perhaps, getting cooperation is the whole reason that you communicate in the first place ?

I mean why else did we go to all that troube of creating and refining language if not to get better cooperation with others ?

We are a social species and social implies cooperation and to do that we have to communicate clearly.

Think about it ! If you don’t want or need something you don’t speak or wave or do anything else to communicate with others.

Even a smile can fulfill the need to comfort or reassure another person (or yourself.)

So while you’re thinking about what moves you from your bed every day I’d also invite you to really consider what results you want to get from communicating.

Consider also if your communication is getting you the results that you really really want. The environment you want. Internally and externally.

And if the answer is YES then
Watch…

If on the other hand the answer is NO then
Watch…

And by the time you have completed watching this you will know why I want you to be motivated. Why you need to be motivated. And most important of all. Why you need to believe that change is possible….

 

The tools for creating the necessary upgrades in awareness are about to come out of the lab here…

Sign up for our newsletter to discover more about how you can be part of the change.

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Technorati Tags: communication in relationships, communication skills, relationship communication, relationships

Relationship Articles Can Often Provide Very Helpful Advice

Anyone who has been in a relationship knows that there are ups and downs. There are days when you’ll love one another to death and then there are occasions when you’ll hate one another to DEATH. There are no two ways about it. This is the norm when it comes to relationships. Unless the two of you are literally identical in every way, there will be arguments. And if someone actually tells you that he/she never argues with his/her spouse or significant other, one of two things are relevant; either they’ve only been dating briefly, or there is a lack of communication between them. Trust me; I’ve seen the happy-go-lucky chipper couples, who act like everything is kosher. They commonly have the most problems. But, have no fear! There are many relationship articles and books to aid you in the relationship process these days. You’re definitely not alone on this one.

I’ve read a few relationship articles and studies in my day. My favorite material to read regarding relationships is psychology from the old guys. You know who I mean. Freud is by far my favorite. While some of the issues addressed and analyzed by these “geniuses” seems valid and insightful, other aspects fail to earn my respect. I mean come on; some of this old psych 101 stuff is just good for a laugh. On the other hand, I have taken two psychology courses in the past and they have helped me some with my relationship skills. These sort of relationship articles help us to understand ourselves and how our significant others must see us. In turn we’re able to relate and compromise more efficiently. Well, that’s my opinion anyway. I think a psychology class can benefit virtually anyone.

There is hardly a need to hit up your public library for intense relationship articles in this day and age. You can find a deluge of these in current magazines. Just take your pick! There are tons of women’s magazines as well as a few for men. Notice how the appeal steers more toward the softer sex. They clearly care more about making a relationship better. Wow, maybe we men should get off our bums. Then again, women like reading relationship articles, right?

Ann Marier
http://www.articlesbase.com/advice-articles/relationship-articles-can-often-provide-very-helpful-advice-113937.html

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Overcoming Relationship Breakup

image.out?imageId=media v7019635c9nPHqWk1208736562Med Overcoming Relationship Breakuphttp://overcomingrelationshipbreakup.googlepages.com/ Get free controversial tactics that teach you how to get your ex back.
The easiest way to overcoming relationship breakup is staying with your ex, the permanent breakup does not have to happen.

Duration : 9 min 52 sec

Continue reading

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Why Your Communication Could Change Your Life

 

There are numerous tools that are available to us to create a better live for ourselves and others. The two most powerful and effective tools, however, are our mind and our communication skills.

Because you can create the life you really want by applying your mind the right way and by using your communication skills so that you have all the relationships you wish for.

People sometimes ask me: “Why is communication important?”. And you might be asking the same thing. The reply is that communication is the glue that holds together our society, your friends, your family, your colleagues at work, your neighbours…

How would it be if you were not able to communicate your thoughts and ideas to others?

How would it be it you were not able to share your experiences with your loved one?

And just imagine not being able to find solutions to a problem, or not having the skills to guide others and yourself through a crisis.

If you overlook the importance of communication, and the importance of your own ability to take charge of your life, your quality of life will be diminished. Because the quality of your communication is the quality of your life.

Do you not agree that communication skills hold the fabric of your world together? And do you not agree that improving your communication skill level makes sense so that your life becomes more fulfilled for you and everyone you love, such as your family and your friends?

Because our progress as a species, and our success, has always been dependant on our ability to work together, to cooperate, and to communicate.

With your ability to communicate you can face problems and challenges, and you can find solutions to those challenges so that everyone not just feels good about these solutions, they will also cooperate with you in the future. Because they have confidence in you and trust you.

The question about why communication is important is more a question about how much you want to create a life you want to live in, with all those you love and care about. It’s more about how much you want to increase the quality of YOUR life.

And you can start today with improving your communication skills.

 

 

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Two Great Articles On Relationship Communication…..

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Relationship communication- some more interesting articles for you to enjoy…

  • “How Media Relations Got Its Groove Back” – Bummed about that recent media relations lovers’ spats? As with Mr X and Ms Y from the break-up email, sometimes the relationship between reporters and PR flacks can be on-again off-again. In any healthy relationship, communication is …

  • Don’t Take Things So Personally – By using the Talk2Me© relationship communication system. STICK TO THE FACTS OF REALITY SO YOU DON’T TAKE THINGS SO PERSONALLY…. Do you drive under the influence of intoxicating emotions? Empathizers are prone to feeling rejected, …

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